Funny while critical, engaging while distanced, compelling while frivolous.
4:44 Last Day on Earth (dir. Abel Ferrara) – 3/5
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (dir. Timur Bekmambetov) 1/5
A horrible year for Tim Burton – he produced this incoherent dreck from the now laughable Bekmambetov.
Alps (dir. Giorgos Lanthimos) – 5/5
Lanthimos brings Kubrickian humanism to his irreverent, scathing allegory of Global Capitalism run amok, insisting that societal woes necessarily come from a loss of identity and purpose, simulacrum, and the mimetic impulse.
Amazing Spider-Man, The (dir. Marc Webb) – 2/5
If we raise the bar to ask if The Amazing Spider-Man is essential, our bar is well out of range from Spidey's web.
American Reunion (dir. Paul Feig) – 2/5
Exceedingly naive, almost disgustingly short-sighted view of life.
Anna Karenina (dir. Joe Wright) – 3/5
With its use of stage-as-screen and a temporally-defiant love story, Wright’s film comes off as something akin to a Lola Montes/In the Mood for Love mix, only with significantly less artistry than either of those immortal classics.
Argo (dir. Ben Affleck) – 2/5
Affleck’s third feature tritely understands foreign relations through a Eurocentric, cultural imperialist lens. Problem is, he isn’t critiquing, just reaffirming. A closing sequence that joyfully leers at Star Wars figurines is particularly despicable.
Attenberg (dir. Athena Rachel Tsangari) – 3/5
Tsangari is of the Lanthimos school – but a Lanthimos film that does not make.
Avengers, The (dir. Joss Whedon) – 2/5
Whedon is one of cinema’s biggest frauds – with no proclivities beyond fanboy stroking, the outcome is hollow, of questionable conviction, and utterly dispensable.
Battleship (dir. Peter Berg) – 4/5
Think of Battleship as symphony - not difficult for the trained eye and ear give composer Steve Jablonsky's visceral, complimentary score.
Beasts of the Southern Wild (dir. Behn Zeitlin) – 2/5
Patchwork filmmaking from first timer Zeitlin is flat, despite the Malickian aspirations. A movie about post-Katrina New Orleans to assuage white middle class guilt.
Bernie (dir. Richard Linklater) – 4/5
Less "slice-of-life" than "slice-of-lies," Linklater asks where truth ends and begins, how performance and sincerity have become one-and-the-same.
Bourne Legacy, The (dir. Tony Gilroy) – 3/5
Gilroy imbues the latest entry with 70’s conspiracy pacing, while making the post-human elements of previous films explicit. Renner is more fun than Damon.
Brave (dir. Brenda Chapman) – 3/5
Brave is likely Pixar's most conservative – and one of their best – films. It views rebellion not as a virtue, in-and-of-itself, but in a given context, that rebellion must be tempered by an understanding of those outside the self.
Cabin in the Woods, The (dir. Drew Goddard) – 1/5
If Scream is deconstruction, The Cabin in the Woods is a deconstruction of said deconstruction, a cannibalizing act that negates and undercuts the film at every turn – instead of making assertions, Goddard and Whedon make assertions about how it’s impossible to make assertions.
Campaign, The (dir. Jay Roach) – 2/5
Aside from a raucous snake-biting bit, this would-be-satire is all gums.
Casa De Mi Padre (dir. Matt Piedmont) – 2/5
Ferrell speaks Spanish and that’s about as far as this gimmick was thought through.
Cloud Atlas (dir. Lana and Andy Wachowski & Tom Tykwer) – 3/5
A visionary film? No. But there’s no denying this is a film with a vision.
Color Wheel, The (dir. Alex Ross Perry) – 3/5
Perry rises about his Mumblecore contemporaries, but even in his darkly ironic observations and
revelations, it ends up feeling slight.
Comedy, The (dir. Rick Alverson) – 4/5
Privilege has rarely been handled with such vérite gravitas.
Contraband (dir. Baltasar Kormakur) – 1/5
Flat is always worse than offensive.
Cosmopolis (dir. David Cronenberg) – 3/5
The film’s anti-cinematic aims are a double-edged sword.
Damsels in Distress (dir. Whit Stillman) – 3/5
One of Stillman’s funniest films, but easily his most featherweight.
Dark Knight Rises, The (dir. Christopher Nolan) – 4/5
Bane = idea. The Dark Knight Rises = event. Too much event, not enough idea. But what an
Dark Shadows (dir. Tim Burton) – 1/5
Perhaps the most slapdash film ever made by the once talented, artistic, and provocative Tim
Deep Blue Sea, The (dir. Terrence Davies) – 3/5
The tone wanders, the focus lacks, and one gets the sense that the material has been rather
dispassionately rendered - without the conviction that drives and propels the best melodramas
towards a comprehensive, cathartic destination.
Detention (dir. Joseph Kahn) – 3/5
Wants to skid so far from the rails as to “speak” generation angst via its hyperlinked/new media
forms. These aims work to wildly varying degrees.
Dictator, The (dir. Larry Charles) – 4/5
Call it "America, the Ugly."
Django Unchained (dir. Quentin Tarantino) – 5/5
Tarantino has turned from asking to “Do you know cinema?” to “What is cinema?” The
difference is significant, as Inglourious Basterds proved a warm-up for QT’s most sophisticated
film to date.
Dredd (dir. Pete Travis) – 4/5
It burrows deeper into its own, implicit nihilism than just about any other film in recent
End of Watch (dir. David Ayer) – 2/5
It is insane.
Expendables 2, The (dir. Simon West) – 2/5
Aside from a brilliant turn by Jean-Claude Van Damme, everything here is, indeed, expendable.
Five-Year Engagement, The (dir. Nicholas Stoller) – 3/5
Nicely vacillates between "fish-out-of-water" hokiness and chronicling the socio-
economic issues facing aspiring, young professionals.
Forgiveness of Blood, The (dir. Joshua Marston) – 3/5
Chronicles Albanian land/blood feuds with meditative, if chilly eye.
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (dir. Neveldine/Taylor) – 5/5
Neveldine/Taylor make films for sharp, attentive viewers, yearning to grapple with their sleek
allegorical form, as opposed to witnessing the umpteenth fleshing out of a comic book character.
Instead, and not surprisingly, the duo are mistaken by viewers, pundits, and critics alike as
simply an evocation of ADD culture's infatuation with stimulation and excess – an attribution to
a zeitgeist, rather than the Carnivalesque, pop culturally ambivalent, formally sophisticated,
mean-spirited, but hopefully-minded tour-de-force thinkers they are.
God Bless America (dir. Bobcat Goldwait) – 2/5
The film degenerates into a series of polemical speeches and rants, none of which get the visual
Grey, The (dir. Joe Carnahan) – 2/5
Seemingly aware of its construct at every turn, the film implodes genre, but neglects to
restructure anything in its absence.
Haywire (dir. Steven Soderbergh) – 4/5
Call her Thoroughly Post-Modern Mallory.
Holy Motors (dir. Leos Carax) – 4/5
Like Cosmopolis, the sum of its parts are meant to be greater than the whole. Refusing resolution
and fascinated by 21st century art as consistent performance, Leos Carax’s film defies narrow
Hunger Games, The (dir. Gary Ross) – 1/5
Given the balked scale of the initial premise, Ross's lack of vision, a total absence of formal
interests, and the underlying sense of commercialism run amok - The Hunger Games is one of
the more offensive mainstream films of recent years.
Impossible, The (dir. Juan Carlos Estaban) – 1/5
The “white people in danger” narrative is an obvious reason to hate this movie – not so obvious,
are the blatant manipulation of scenario to elongate the agony, only to have everyone reunited,
while barely even mentioning the thousands of lives lost. There’s white-washing – and then
there’s a whiteout.
Innkeepers, The (dir. Ti West) – 3/5
West wants to reckon with his beloved genre without providing recourse for alternatives of any
Jack Reacher (dir. Christopher McQuerie) – 3/5
A taut ten minute opening leads to a well-plotted, if conventional, thriller has its share of knee-
jerk post-9/11 anxieties, with some fairly convincing, and well-established, anxieties to counter-
John Carter (dir. Andrew Stanton) – 2/5
Taylor Kitsch and company often get lost in a barrage of exposition, scenery, and fight
sequences, none of which are particularly compelling.
Kid With a Bike, The (dir. Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne) – 4/5
The Dardenne’s continue to make humanist films that impressively balance sentimentality and
Kill List (dir. Ben Wheatley) – 2/5
Replete with lead-pipe ironies and serio-pretentious aspirations.
Killer Joe (dir. William Friedkin) – 5/5
Perhaps the most perverse, audacious American comedy since Paul Bartel's Eating Raoul (1982).
Killing Them Softly (dir. Andrew Dominick) – 5/5
For Mr. Dominik, I am happy to let him have his shotgun and shoot it too.
Lawless (dir. John Hillcoat) – 2/5
It might not be gutless, but it's certainly toothless.
Les Miserables (dir. Tom Hooper) – 1/5
One would be hard pressed to find a more incoherent offering from 2012 – the songs (badly)
transition into one another, the film is edited to shit, and the close-up is used to pathetically
literal ends. Hooper seemingly believes displayed emotion, loud gun shots, and endless, swelling
musical numbers define cinema. Indeed they can – but not under his clueless, tone-deaf eyes and
Life of Pi (dir. Ang Lee) – 2/5
Much like Avatar, bright, shiny visuals are mistaken for proficient composition. Lee’s film is an
Lincoln (dir. Steven Spielberg) – 3/5
Spielberg has placed mythos above all else and though his film is impressive on technical and
actorly levels, his political reverence and righteousness are a little to cavalier for comfort.
Lockout (dir. James Mather & Stephen St. Leger) – 3/5
Lean, mean, and actually using its genre template for political means.
Looper (dir. Rian Johnson) – 3/5
If we look beyond the screen, Looper is rather straight.
Loved Ones, The (dir. Sean Byrne) – 2/5
"You've got 10 seconds to go or Daddy's gonna nail your dick to the chair." If such a moment is
"what horror is about" for you, then you can go ahead - enjoy.
Magic Mike (dir. Steven Soderbergh) – 5/5
Overarching levels of layered meaning within Magic Mike are distilled with Kubrickian patience
Master, The (dir. Paul Thomas Anderson) – 5/5
The film of the year is many things and nothing, a disappearing cinematic act that questions the
very tenets upon which western civilization found its footing in the mid-20th century, and the
implications those decisions (or indecisions) still yield in contemporary art, love, and life. The
year’s best acting, directing, and screenwriting – all under one roof.
Men in Black III (dir. Barry Sonnenfeld) – 1/5
Sonnenfeld couldn't be less interested in doing anything serious with the material.
Miss Bala (dir. Gerardo Naranjo) – 2/5
Much like fellow filmmakers Cary Fukunaga and Matteo Garrone, the overriding, borderline offensive neglect to intricately deal with the ethical considerations of not just the historical moment, but their own detached, observational approach negates any tangential resonance.
Moonrise Kingdom (dir. Wes Anderson) – 4/5
Call it his Body Double, a film whose self-awareness is tightly sealed within the care, craft, and
composure Anderson (like Brian De Palma) insists his films possess, leaving no room for
speculation that anything and everything within (and outside) the frame isn't duly accounted for.
Oslo, August 31st (dir. Joachim Trier) – 2/5
Trier wants to circumnavigate the inherently problematic nature of his material, but even the
careful, sure-handed approach plays contrived and clunky, then falls in the film’s borderline
offensive final ten minutes.
Paranormal Activity 4 (dir. Henry Joost and Ari Schulmann) – 2/5
Give this directing duo credit for keeping the technology fresh – if only there was intent to
actually enunciate something more.
Perfect Sense (dir. David Mackenzie) – 2/5
For a film about sensory necessity, David Mackenzie displays little interest in varied formal
Perks of Being a Wallflower, The (dir. Stephen Chbosky) – 1/5
A film that makes American Pie look like one of the most nuanced portrayals of youth privilege
ever made. It’s got everything: angst, abuse, drug episode, Manic Pixie Dream Girl,
homosexuality, artists, savior teach, quirky side characters, no ethnic people. It transcends cliché
to become awesomely solipsistic, with made-for-TV voice-over and aesthetic to top it off. I was
praying the projector would explode.
Piranha 3DD (dir. John Gulager) – 2/5
Aja’s film is a genre masterpiece; Gulager’s film is most definitely not.
Premium Rush (dir. David Koepp) – 2/5
Looney Tunes shenanigans meet working class ethos for streamlined, if wholly preposterous,
Project X (dir. Nima Nourizadeh) – 3/5
As the cultural expectation for adulthood recedes, then the image of a teenager lying face-down,
drunk, potentially unconscious, straddles that retreat. Don't hate.
Prometheus (dir. Ridley Scott) – 2/5
It is the defining film of Ridley Scott's career - at least, it can be seen as a microcosm
for the director's wildly hit-and-miss oeuvre.
Raid, The: Redemption (dir. Gareth Evans) – 3/5
Evans swings for the fences in his gonzo, single setting extravaganza and comes up with an
impressive ground-rule double.
Rampart (dir. Oren Moverman) – 3/5
Moverman owes much to Woody Harrelson's measured, physical performance for why his film
accomplishes the sporadic affect it does.
Resident Evil: Retribution (dir. Paul W.S. Anderson) – 2/5
Anderson has a keen, if sporadic, visual sense. Definitely more sporadic here.
Safe (dir. Boaz Yakin) – 3/5
Aligns its absurd premise with the collusion-heavy, always-monitored absurdity of living in a
Safe House (dir. Daniel Espinosa) – 2/5
Espinosa's paltry knock-off apes cinematographic aims but lacks the instinct to let form be his
Safety Not Guaranteed (dir. Colin Trevorrow) – 2/5
Another band of Mumblecore misfits is on the loose.
Savages (dir. Oliver Stone) – 2/5
It views sex, violence, and drug use the way one might expect from a fifteen-year old
weaned on Red Bull and Grand Theft Auto. Everything is a money shot.
Sessions, The (dir. Ben Lewin) – 4/5
Not the Sundance stew the trailer make it seem; in fact, not only are John Hawkes and Helen
Hunt phenomenal, but it’s the best film about disability (and rekindled sensation) since Julian
Schnabel’s The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (2007).
Silent House (dir. Chris Kentis & Laura Lau) – 1/5
One take, one trick, one helluva bad flick.
Silver Linings Playbook (dir. David O. Russell) – 1/5
O. Russell slogs his way through a tasteless, garbled rom-com with no laughs, while trying to
wring pathos from the cartoonish, incoherent depictions of anxiety, grief, and mental illness.
Sinister (dir. Scott Derrickson) – 2/5
Creepy here and there, but Derrickson never sinks his teeth into questions of artistic integrity and
exploitation, which the film only sparsely considers.
Skyfall (dir. Sam Mendes) – 2/5
A Christopher Nolan rip-off that isn’t very much fun or sexy.
Snow White and the Huntsman (dir. Rupert Sanders) – 1/5
A black hole of Snow White noise.
Ted (dir. Seth MacFarlane) – 2/5
As disposable as an SNL "Weekend Update" from December 6, 1980 - the weekend of Flash
That’s My Boy (dir. Sean Anders) – 2/5
More gonzo than one might expect, but still as dumb as anyone could possibly expect.
This is 40 (dir. Judd Apatow) – 2/5
Apatow took the punch from critics and audiences on Funny People like the half-artist he is – a
retreat into himself and easily his most careless, unfunny, and solipsistic film to date.
This is Not a Film (dir. Jafar Panahi) – 4/5
In terms of topic, no other 2012 film is as important.
Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (dir. Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim) – 4/5
The arranging (and rearranging) of signifiers is so brazen, audacious, that it, naturally, went right
over critics' heads.
Turin Horse, The (dir. Bela Tarr) – 5/5
Tarr continues to create cinematic experiences that are meant to be endured, sure, but also
relished, poured over, obsessive. Both euphoric and nightmarish, mortality (and cinematic
legacy) finds consistent resonance in Tarr’s steady, sublime hands.
Underworld: Awakening (dir. Mans Marlind & Bjorn Stein) – 1/5
A soul-sucking experience that treats its vampire/liken mythology without even a shred of
humor or self-awareness.
V/H/S (dir. Ti West et. al.) – 3/5
The films themselves are of considerably varied quality, but the focus on technology as
fragmentation – and the ways in which media-specific visions/imagery dictate spatio-temporal
construction – is fascinating.
Watch, The (dir. Akiva Schaffer) – 1/5